what do you do now?

There is a certain freedom in the loneliness that comes from being a late twenty-something newly single woman. A freedom in sexual partners, a freedom in living situation, lifestyle choices adventure and such..... This is the time when, the desperately sought after solitude that you so wished for while committed to the most recent past love of your life, becomes reality.

What do you do with it now that you have it?

drink not a small amount of bourbon, consider reconciling with ex, then reconsider considering and end up right where you began, connect with old girlfriends and infuse the closet with a few well placed purchasing extravaganzas. Have a one night stand or maybe two. Then find a crush worth crushing on. Get your hair cut have a pedicure and read some enlightening books you've been to busy to pick up. After a few weeks of watching endless movies and checking facebook to see if anyone more interesting than you has chimed in, in some useless and personally relevant way. Check your email again. Consider organizing the new closet, or hanging the art you have packed around for 3 houses in 2 states without ever unpacking, still refuse to admit your life is still not set up for nice wall hanging art of any significant size.

When these mindless tasks have left you broke, beautiful and almost on your own two feet sit down and start a blog, not any blog but one about you, where you are and how you got there. Hoping beyond hope that some twenty something somewhere picks it up and finds some kind of relief from the pages of your short but stellar life thus far. Then laugh at ones own illusions of significance in the universe and let the thought stay un-deleted as a reminder of your own vanity.

And so begins the musings of a twenty-something..... welcome to my world.

I want to say straight out that I am not in a depressed "what am I doing with my life" place. I am excited about my world, I am creative and I work as hard as i play.... the choices laying at my feet are endless, wondrous and vibrant, with all the headache that goes with such things.

Divorced three times and never married I am currently faced with the relevance of the traditional relationship model.... but what else is there available to a woman wanting family and a partner in living? Recently, I took a lover who is poly and that seems interesting in theory, but complicated in practice.... seems an awful lot like dating a few people at a time without ever challenging yourself to really dive into one relationship with your whole self.

Which forces the question: How's that diving in thing workin' out for you so far?

The answer to this question begins with a sarcastic grin and a raised eyebrow, followed by a deeply unimpressive string of memories that will not be finding their way into these pages today..... but I'll say this, it makes a girl wonder.